"Ways to prevent cyber-bullying—from "When Push Comes to Shove"
| Excerpted from: Bullying: What It Is & What to Do About It By: Ken Druck, Ph.D. and Matt Kaplowitz |
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| CYBER-BULLYING: THE "NEW BULLYING" | |
| Females often participate in social bullying, also referred to as "girl bullying." This takes the form of vicious gossip, deliberate exclusion from a group, verbal taunting and harassment, hostile body language, or abusive phone calls and emails. The scars left by social bullying can be devastating. With widespread use of the Internet, girls now have access to free online journals and instant messaging services. It has become easier for girls to harass and taunt each other using this technology, even anonymously. For example, a girl might receive an email from a sender she does not recognize, but the subject is "Party Saturday Night!" so she opens it. When the message appears it says, "Everyone is invited except you." Or perhaps a peer sends her a website link. When she visits the site, she sees a list of insults from classmates; it seems someone has used a free hosting service to create this. She may even receive a direct threat from an anonymous sender through an instant message or email. Cyber-bullying often goes unreported because it is hard for the recipient to find out or prove the sender’s identity. Even when reported, many Internet service providers are slow to verify such claims and remove offensive websites. Children sometimes fear that reporting cyber-bullying will only make it worse. They also fear that teachers or parents may overreact and take away computer or mobile phone privileges—a seemingly terrible fate for today’s youth. Teachers and parents should be on the lookout for ways that students hide online harassment. These include covering up or minimizing computer windows when an adult enters the room, spending excessive amounts of time online, or seeming depressed and upset after going online. If you suspect that a child is a cyber-bullying victim, ask directly and make sure that he or she knows never to respond to negative, obscene or threatening communications, as responding will usually make things worse. Kids should be made aware that reporting is often the best way to stop the problem. Even if the child does not know the sender, reporting the situation can help draw attention to the problem and the consequences for those involved. Revoking the online privileges of the cyber-bullying victim may solve the problem in the short term, but may make her feel victimized twice. Often, when students decide for themselves whether or not to open suspicious emails, it begins a process to overcome the pain of cyber-bullying. |
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| If a student says: | You should say: |
| -"Don’t tell anyone! It’ll only make it worse. Besides, everyone says being bullied is just a part of growing up. I don’t want to look like a baby by tattling." | -"Everyone experiences bullying, but that doesn’t make it right. Bullying is a complicated problem that isn’t easily solved. Let’s figure out whom to talk to about what you have experienced and what to do that won’t make things worse. Only when both of us feel comfortable with our action plan will we move forward." |
| -"Everyone tells me to stay on the bully’s good side, or just stay out of his/her way." | -"This is very difficult. Every person deserves respect. Being popular doesn’t give anyone permission to be mean. When more people realize the damage this does, everyone will start thinking and acting differently. This isn’t going to make the problem disappear right away, but by informing school officials, you are jumpstarting the process." |
| -"I don’t even know _____, why should I get involved?" or "If people find out that I reported _____, then I will be even more unpopular." | -"I understand why you don’t want to tell anyone, but when you witness a harmful situation, it’s up to you to help safeguard your school. By taking action, you are helping your peers, which can only gain you respect. Doing the right thing will lead to finding friends with similar values." |
It’s very hard for a child to get up the courage to step in or tell an adult about what he or she may have seen. But if the child passively observes a bullying situation, he or she must be reminded that doing nothing is like being on the bully’s side. Deliver the anti-bullying message. Teach children to stand up for what they believe in. Help establish an anti-bullying policy in your school and community. Advocate a zero-tolerance, bully-free environment. By equipping children with the tools to deal with bullying behavior—no matter what position they are in—we can begin to move towards a happier, healthier and safer school environment. Dr. Ken Druck is a school violence prevention expert and the author of How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence. More information and resources about school safety can be found online at: www.HowToTalkToYourKids.com. |
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